Questions & Answers. Love & Fear.

W e sat across the table from each other, sharing hot cups of coffee and pieces of a decadent chocolate cake I had made earlier in the week.  One of my closest friends had come over to catch up.

We talked of love and fear and laughter and home and the daily joys and challenges of living. We shared secrets as easily as we’d shared the cream and the sugar for the coffee.

She was clearly unhappy.

Then I asked her a question I’ve asked I’ve asked a kajillion times before:

Darling, what do YOU want?

And then came the pain. The heart- wrenching can’t-catch-your-breath kind of pain.  The kind of pain that no amount of chocolate cake can assuage.

We talked about existing and feeling numb instead of truly embracing life and living it. And she uttered the words to me that I had heard more times that I want to count from girlfriends and clients and strangers who have conversed with me over the last few years:

“I don’t know if I want to ask those questions because I’m afraid of the answers.”

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces, just as it always does, when someone – anyone – lives with that kind of fear…that kind of self-loathing…that kind of numbness.  My heart shattered because I’ve been thereI’ve numbed myself with food and alcohol and sex at different times in my life so that I could forget about the question.   I’ve surrounded myself with stuff in the hope of burying the questions under piles of clothes and shoes and knick-knacks.

But the truth, my dear, is this:  You cannot begin living until you begin to ask those questions.

I would never lie to you and say that this is easy. 

I would never lie to you and say that it instantly changes the world.

I can tell you, though, that when you begin to release yourself from the layers and years of numbing what your heart and soul are crying for, you will begin to feel alive. The passions that begin to blossom in your heart will also begin to burn away the fears.  Loving yourself, and accepting yourself as you are in the moment, will push away the moments of loathing. 

Love will begin to replace fear.

I can tell you that getting right within your own soul is the path to healthier and happier relationships.  Because, Darling, if you don’t make your relationship with yourself healthy, then none of your others will be healthy.

I’ll be even more honest with you: I don’t have the exact answers for what you need to be happy and what you need to feel sexy and alive.  But I do have something that will guide you along to those answers that only you can unearth:  the questions.

When we arrive at the question, the answer is already near. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have other things I can offer you.

I can share with you the obstacles and discoveries I made along the path I traveled as I went from my own days of numb existence into this life that I am in so in love with.

I also have strong hands and arms.  I’ll use them to pull you up when you’ve stumbled, or to give you a little push when you’re stuck. My arms will wrap around you and embrace you when you begin to feel.

I have an open and loving and empathetic heart. A heart that understands more than you can imagine. A heart that sends you love and wishes of joyful arias and a zest for living.  Above all, I have a heart and soul that will never judge you as you unwind your own heart and soul from the years and years of tamping down what you really want.

In addition to one-on-one coaching, I have two course offerings If you’re ready to begin exploring the questions that will release you:

  • Clearing Brain Clutter – Discovering Your Heart’s Desires – a 30 Day e-Program. Every day, you will get an email with a journaling  prompt that will help you to dig down into your core, push aside the things you think you “should” want, and get down to what your heart really wants.  The Investment:  $39
  • Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar.. – a 12-Month, Intimate Circle Coaching Program for Women.  Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar is designed to help you fall in love with your daily life. To rediscover your power and your sexuality. To cast aside the labels and roles you’ve assigned yourself and live in pure joy as YOU. The program includes 53 Lessons delivered weekly, 12 Monthly Group Coaching Calls, 12 One-on-One Coaching Calls and a Private Group Forum.  The Investment:  $149/month. Click here to Register (the next circle opens on April 22, 2013)

I may not hold the exact answers, but I know that deep inside yourself, you do.   I can offer you my heart and soul, my hands and arms.

I can offer you virtual coffee and chocolate cake. 

Make a leap of faith in your life and discover what you really want. Take a tiny courageous step. Begin your journey to the clearest, shiniest, most passionate and sexiest version of YOU.

Isn’t it time you invested in yourself?  Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar is a collection of the tools I used to become devoted to the vision of the life I desired. There are six modules of lessons, a companion workbook containing all the worksheets and writing prompts, and more.


And, no, you don’t need fixing or to be rescued, but working with a coach can help the journey. You can bundle Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar with 6 coaching sessions.


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By Debra Smouse: Writer, life coach, and Tarnished Southern Belle, Debra helps people fall in love with their life. An expert de-tangler, she believes in busting clutter as a path to greater clarity and that within every woman is vibrant, passionate, and sexy being just itching to make their inner sex kitten roar. A native Texan, she resides in Ohio with the Man of her Dreams.

10 Responses to “Questions & Answers. Love & Fear.” Subscribe

  1. Joanna Z. Weston September 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    It really is a heart breaking response, when people are afraid to look at their own hearts. I think we have all been there at one time or another, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. If anything, I think it makes it harder, because we know exactly how much pain they must be in, in order to say that.

  2. An September 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    “You cannot begin living until you begin to ask those questions.” Love this. So true. So worth it.


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