Questions & Answers. Love & Fear.

W e sat across the table from each other, sharing hot cups of coffee and pieces of a decadent chocolate cake I had made earlier in the week.  One of my closest friends had come over to catch up.

We talked of love and fear and laughter and home and the daily joys and challenges of living. We shared secrets as easily as we’d shared the cream and the sugar for the coffee.

She was clearly unhappy.

Then I asked her a question I’ve asked I’ve asked a kajillion times before:

Darling, what do YOU want?

And then came the pain. The heart- wrenching can’t-catch-your-breath kind of pain.  The kind of pain that no amount of chocolate cake can assuage.

We talked about existing and feeling numb instead of truly embracing life and living it. And she uttered the words to me that I had heard more times that I want to count from girlfriends and clients and strangers who have conversed with me over the last few years:

“I don’t know if I want to ask those questions because I’m afraid of the answers.”

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces, just as it always does, when someone – anyone – lives with that kind of fear…that kind of self-loathing…that kind of numbness.  My heart shattered because I’ve been thereI’ve numbed myself with food and alcohol and sex at different times in my life so that I could forget about the question.   I’ve surrounded myself with stuff in the hope of burying the questions under piles of clothes and shoes and knick-knacks.

But the truth, my dear, is this:  You cannot begin living until you begin to ask those questions.

I would never lie to you and say that this is easy. 

I would never lie to you and say that it instantly changes the world.

I can tell you, though, that when you begin to release yourself from the layers and years of numbing what your heart and soul are crying for, you will begin to feel alive. The passions that begin to blossom in your heart will also begin to burn away the fears.  Loving yourself, and accepting yourself as you are in the moment, will push away the moments of loathing. 

Love will begin to replace fear.

I can tell you that getting right within your own soul is the path to healthier and happier relationships.  Because, Darling, if you don’t make your relationship with yourself healthy, then none of your others will be healthy.

I’ll be even more honest with you: I don’t have the exact answers for what you need to be happy and what you need to feel sexy and alive.  But I do have something that will guide you along to those answers that only you can unearth:  the questions.

When we arrive at the question, the answer is already near. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have other things I can offer you.

I can share with you the obstacles and discoveries I made along the path I traveled as I went from my own days of numb existence into this life that I am in so in love with.

Make a leap of faith in your life and discover what you really want. Take a tiny courageous step. Begin your journey to the clearest, shiniest, most passionate and sexiest version of YOU.

Isn’t it time you invested in yourself?

From the 30 Days to Clarity Series: Clearing Brain Clutter: Discovering Your Heart’s Desire
Now Available in Paperback

clearing_brain_clutt_cover_for_kindleWith a collection of 30 intriguing exercises, Clearing Brain Clutter: Discovering Your Heart’s Desire helps you to peel away everything that gets in the way of your truest, deepest desires. By doing the work right inside the book, you’ll learn to create a life that’s more resonant with “the real you” than anything you’ve previously experienced. In short, you’ll forever change your life for the better.

Available on Amazon in Paperback and Kindle .

Or order an inscribed copy from me for $11.95*

*I’ll include the shipping
(US Customers Only – please contact me for International Sales as well as discounts for multiple copies)

If you would like multiple copies for gifts or your book club, drop me an email at Debra AT DebraSmouse.Com for a bulk discount.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

By Debra Smouse: Writer, life coach, and Tarnished Southern Belle, Debra helps people fall in love with their life. An expert de-tangler, she believes in busting clutter as a path to greater clarity and that within every woman is vibrant, passionate, and sexy being just itching to make their inner sex kitten roar. A native Texan, she resides in Ohio with the Man of her Dreams.

10 Responses to “Questions & Answers. Love & Fear.” Subscribe

  1. Joanna Z. Weston September 17, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    It really is a heart breaking response, when people are afraid to look at their own hearts. I think we have all been there at one time or another, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. If anything, I think it makes it harder, because we know exactly how much pain they must be in, in order to say that.

  2. An September 18, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    “You cannot begin living until you begin to ask those questions.” Love this. So true. So worth it.


  1. Season of Gratitude | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Writer | De-Tangler - November 20, 2012

    […] I began to embody the knowledge that I could step into courage at any moment. That I didn’t have to be perfect.  That I could choose love instead of giving into fear. […]

  2. Love Your Life: Create a Courage Practice | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Writer | Expert Detangler | Tarnished Southern Belle - January 17, 2013

    […] me be frank: I know that it can be terrifying to make changes.  But, honey, don’t settle in life because you’re afraid. You deserve to live a bigger, bolder […]

  3. Discover Your Inner Wisdom | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Writer | Expert Detangler | Tarnished Southern Belle - February 5, 2013

    […] stopped asking those powerless rhetorical questions like “why me?” and began asking the right kind of questions, like “who do I want to be in this world?” and “what do I want to […]

  4. Write Yourself a Valentine | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Writer | Expert Detangler | Tarnished Southern Belle - February 12, 2013

    […] What if you allowed yourself to explore change as an adventure and not as something to fear? […]

  5. Origins of a Tarnished Southern Belle | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Tarnished Southern Belle - February 20, 2013

    […] that we are not alone. When people show their vulnerability and speak of their pain, and how they transformed it into love, we begin to believe that our lives, too, can be somehow […]

  6. Declare Your Personal Freedom | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Tarnished Southern Belle - July 5, 2013

    […] us befriend our inner critic and ask ourselves thoughtful questions around what it would mean to create a life we love based on our […]

  7. Loving Life? Be Prepared to Piss People Off | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Tarnished Southern Belle - August 9, 2013

    […] creativity languishes. Our fears take over.  The thing is, our soul knows that we aren’t being ourselves, so it won’t settle in. […]

  8. Create a Life You Love. 1st Step: Awareness | Debra Smouse - Life Coach | Tarnished Southern Belle - August 17, 2013

    […] off and the gate opened.  For months (and months) I gazed upon the grass outside the open gate, too afraid to put a toe across the […]