I f there’s one thing I’m familiar with, it’s the belief that in order for things to go the right way – and for my goals to really mean something, I have to do the heavy lifting, so to speak. Because, if I don’t do it all on my own, then have I really accomplished something? Wouldn’t asking for help show a sign of weakness or a lack of real commitment?
We associate that four-letter word – HELP – with being a bad thing.
Of course, I have to call BS on myself when my ego gets in the way like this. Because, honestly, though it’s important that each one of is willing to do the work required to bring our dreams into reality, getting help is sometimes the wisest and most courageous ways to move forward.
Admitting that we don’t know everything can be scary.
None of us has all the answer to every one of life’s challenges. Seeking assistance from someone with more knowledge or experience is always better than struggling. It means we are wise enough to recognize our personal limitations, as well as our personal strength.
Yes, I believe in hard work. I believe that you must be willing to do the work you’re called to do for the sake of tending your own soul and nourishing your life. But I know for a fact that your life will feel so much more nourishing if the path to achieving your dreams isn’t one of struggle. You can compassionately apply discipline to your life while also finding that path to more ease in the process of pursuing your goals.
Humans thrive on helping other humans. We partner up with folks to build a family or a business. Working together towards a common goal is always a way to grow. Yet, this human need to help others also extends to our individual goals. However, we must be willing to lay aside that ego that insists WE know best or that we MUST DO IT ALL.
Some of the ways I’ve grown the most in my own inner wisdom was to understand that sometimes I just need someone – or something – to help make life a little easier or open my eyes to an approach I hadn’t considered.
For the love of yourself, please know that you do not have to do everything alone. It’s ok to admit you can’t do everything. Even if you can do everything on your own, you don’t have to. Help comes in many forms.
Sometimes, you must seek the advice of someone that has been where you are before. At other times, you may need to hire in an expert to help expand your knowledge. This is where folks like coaches and personal trainers come in. Because, how can you achieve something you’ve never done if you don’t know how to even start? How can you overcome a plateau? Seeking assistance from someone with more knowledge or experience is always better than struggling. It means we are wise enough to recognize our personal limitations, as well as our personal strength
Sometimes, we are so close to something that we can see only one path. Talking something over with someone can help us to see alternative paths. Often times, the person we go to for help sees a better side of us than we can see. Why limit your options? This is why it’s great to work with a coach or mentor.
Sometimes, you need to find someone to help keep you accountable. It’s so easy to give up on a goal when we become frustrated, but if you’ve shared a goal with someone, they can nudge you along. Sometimes, hiring someone (that coach or trainer) accomplishes this and other times you can enlist a friend. Or in the case of writing, a deadline or working with an editor can spur you on.
Sometimes, you need to ask for help in the management of daily life tasks so that you open up the time to pursue your goals. Time is precious, and trading time for money is an age-old way of doing so. Hiring someone to clean the house or mow the lawn means that for those precious hours of time, you can focus your attention on something that matters to you greatly. Even if that means giving you time to rest, read a book, or go get your nails done.
Sometimes, you just need to hire someone to do some of the work for you. No one is good at everything. When we get help on something we aren’t so good at, it frees us to spend time on areas where we excel. If you want to make your finances stronger this year, maybe you need a financial advisor or someone to set up Quicken on your computer and teach you how to use it. Maybe you just need someone to set up a website for you so that you can kick off your business. Maybe it’s someone to format your book for publication.
Sometimes, you need to find ways to ease the burdens of your responsibilities while setting yourself up for success. One of the ways I make eating healthier easier on me is by utilizing the resources my grocery store offers. A couple of rotisserie chickens and pre-chopped veggies makes getting dinner on the table a little faster. And, sometimes, when I go out to lunch with a girlfriend, I also place a to-go order of a couple of salads and a healthy entrée. Having these items on hand means I have an easy meal accessible during the day. And, instead of skipping lunch and becoming tempted to just eat some chips because I’m starving, I have a meal waiting on me!
Sometimes, you need to ask for help as a way to grow a relationship. Asking a spouse, co-worker, sibling or acquaintance builds intimacy and trust. Help from those we love strengthens connection and creates synergy. When you allow a loved one to give help, it allows them to feel as if they and their contributions matter to the whole. This is also a good way to let others use their gifts while you learn how to better receive. By the way, this is also a way for loved ones to be granted permission to ask for your help instead of struggling alone.
Sometimes, investing your time into your own education is a path to help. There’s a reason humankind has studied the works of philosophers over the ages, right? And working your way through a class or a book is a way to open up your mind to new ways of thought.
Sometimes help comes from structure. Routines help shape the day. Research tells us that a regular bedtime combined with adequate sleep leads to smaller waistlines. Setting personal boundaries for yourself is the path to a better attention span on your goals.
Sometimes, help will come from spiritual practices. A meditation practice has shown to lower blood pressure. Don’t forget sacred texts, prayer, and more. Maybe it’s as simple as uttering a positive thought as you light a candle at your desk
Sometimes, help arrives in the form of beauty. Maybe the help you need is to feel encouraged or loved, so buying some flowers brighten up the place and you get a spring in your step when you pass them. Maybe it’s the purchase of a beautiful mug for your tea or pretty workout clothes.
Sometimes, help comes in the way of simple tools. Like setting an old-fashioned kitchen timer (or asking Alexa or Siri to set a timer for you) and committing to a small period of time devoted exclusively to your goal. I do this for periods of writing, meditation, and walking on the treadmill.
Sometimes, help comes in the way of entertainment to spur you on. Classical music to play while you write or a new series on Netflix to keep you company while you walk on the treadmill.
You deserve to create a daily life that feels both loving and nourishing. You are worthy of experiencing your desires, ushering your dreams into your reality, and achieving your goals. Don’t let your pride or ego get in the way of asking for and accepting help.
Want a little help (in book form) to get to the heart of what you really desire?
With a collection of 30 intriguing exercises, Clearing Brain Clutter: Discovering Your Heart’s Desire helps you to peel away everything that gets in the way of your truest, deepest desires. By doing the work right inside the book, you’ll learn to create a life that’s more resonant with “the real you” than anything you’ve previously experienced. In short, you’ll forever change your life for the better.
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